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Thursday, 19 July 2012 06:25

Are you in love with a serial cheat? III

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Few things in life are as painful or confusing as finding out that your partner has been cheating on you. Well, not all men cheat though women generally believe that men were created with the tendency of being promiscuous and that it takes a real man to withstand the antics of some women who are anxiously scheming on how to latch onto them. 

If your man is just shagging a babe, do not worry, but if he starts making midnight calls, exchange text messages with another lady at odd hours and stays out of the house for days, weeks without a genuine excuse, then be very worried.

Most of us have heard these phrases countless times “Which man on the surface of the earth doesn’t cheat? This is Africa, all men cheat. It is a man’s world. A man will do one of three things; cheat, drink or smoke and a man likes to be adventurous, variety is the spice of life.’’ A man cheats because he knows he will most likely get away with it, because it is accepted. He cheats because society will hardly frown at it and because his reputation is not at stake. He cheats because in his mind his ego is boosted by doing so.  It is only when a woman cheats that there is brouhaha.

However, there are men who have embraced the ‘cheating lifestyle’. In our society today, it is has almost become a norm to cheat. Both men and women are guilty of this. There are basically three kinds of cheats, the serial cheat, the occasional cheat and those who stray once in a while. 

Serial cheaters are the kind of casanovas who jump from one relationship to the next, usually with some sort of overlap. Or they have multiple relationships at a time without telling their partners about the other girls. A serial cheat is very seductive, and charming. He/she has mastered the art of learning how to control his or her emotions, not get carried away by the moment, but instead treats the whole relationship like a project. A serial cheat has one of the best tools in communicating, he or she has mastered the art of listening. Listening and using your words or thoughts into an advantage for himself. So if you’re dating a Lothario, you are probably in for some heartbreak, not to mention STDs. So here is what to look out for:


The cheater notices you 

Serial cheaters have an instinct for who to make a move on. He/she sends a drink to your table or comes over to ask your name. They make you feel special. Before you know it you are spending the evening talking, dancing, probably drinking, and being romanced. For a guy he may flash money, or tell you how successful he is, or offer to drive you home in his new car. He picks up the tab, tells you how beautiful you are, wants to see you the next night, and calls you several times a day. He is relentlessly persistent. You feel validated; he feels in control.

Your partner has been around the block

The most obvious sign of a serial cheater is someone who has been in the dating game forever. He is never monogamous for very long and has had his fair share of short-term relationships. Watch out for the guy who is just too smooth. If he seems to know all the right things to say, it is because he has said them all before and he will do so again. If he says right away, “I love you and I have never really felt this way before,” believe me, he has said this before. If he talks about getting you a ring, where you might buy a house and live, and how he has always wanted children, this is too fast. He is looking to tie you up and exercise control over your life. If he is wealthy, he is willing to pay for this control by bringing you gifts and helping with your day-to-day living expenses. Once you get used to this economic relief, you will find it hard to send him away when you find out he is cheating. He knows this.

Most of his friends are women

A guy with all girl friends should be a huge red flag. He is not interested in relationships with males because he can’t get what he wants out of them. And what he wants sex. All the friendships he makes are only people he is biding his time with, waiting for the right moment to make his move and the better looking the friends, the more dangerous the guy.

He is addicted to the chase

This guy was all about chasing you and the harder you were to catch, the more interested he got. But now that he has you, he won’t know what to do next. Except maybe chase some other girl. The chase is what gets his heart pumping. 

He brings you presents

It may be hard to figure out if a present is given out of love or out of guilt. But the guys who give their girlfriends presents often and without reason are few and far between. If your partner is lavishing gifts on you all the time, small or big, it is probably because he/she is feeling guilty about all the other love interests. Remember, if your relationship seems too good to be true, it usually is.

He doesn’t answer questions

He is evasive, gives vague answers about what he was doing last night, summarizes without going into detail or leaves large gaps in his stories. It is time for you to be the detective. Look a little deeper into what he/she is saying. If it doesn’t make all that much sense, question it. Don’t just take his/her word for it. The cheater dates others and when you find out, you are outraged. Thinking that you are dating the cheater exclusively, you find out, sooner or later, that he/she has lied and deceived you. You might see him out with someone else, read his email you weren’t supposed to see, listen to his phone messages, or get a call from his other girlfriend. You cry, he begs forgiveness, and he offers promises he just can’t keep. He showers you with gifts and you start the process again. This cycle goes on until months…or years…later, you’ve had enough. 

Dating a serial cheater may turn your life upside down, but you don’t have to stay there. If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, better pick up your running shoes.

And lastly, he or she most times never get caught during this period. To a serial cheat, a relationship is like a project and once it is completed he/she either breaks of the relationship or puts him or herself in a position where you end up calling it off. Don’t allow yourself get easily swayed. Stop the tears. Stop the heartache and stop the disrespect. Start knowing your worth. Begin your journey of happiness and change your end game so it doesn’t end in sadness.

Read 1928 times Last modified on Monday, 17 August 2015 16:25