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Why women should set relationship goals II

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Almost everyone sets goals for things they do in life. If goals are good for everything else in life why not for relationships? Do women set goals for relationships? If you do, how successful have you been with it?

We have all seen women who have been in long term relationships with men and they are no closer to getting married years later than they were when they first entered the relationship. Why spend your youthful days on someone who has no intention of marrying you? People split up all the time and to waste five years on a man only for the two of you to break-up is crazy. That means for five long years you have been off the market and missed out on the chance to meet many single men whom would have loved nothing more that to have you as his wife and life mate. Unfortunately, you were tied up on a promise that never came. You know the promise, “Eventually, we will get married.” Hell, when? All those excuses about let us finish our degrees, wait until we have enough money saved, I am happy the way we are and my personal favorite, “Why should we get married, we have been together longer than our friends and now they are divorced?” All these are smokescreens for the real fact that he is not about to make the ultimate commitment.

Determine how long you should stay with a person before you know if he is marriage material or not. (Remember this is short term, so typically it should be six months to a year). Why do you need a long term relationship to get married? We can look at this from two different perspectives, some say you should be with someone for several years before getting married, I don’t think so, I think a year, possibly two is a good time.

 

If you spend three, four years with someone you know everything about them. You’ve heard all of their jokes, know their weaknesses and can finish their sentences. Love making is not new to you two, you have been doing it for several years now. What could you possibly have to talk about that could keep you interested in the first years of marriage? 

Now, you take the same two people and they get married after one year. They have so much to talk about, they are still learning about each other. Sexually, they are still exploring one another and it is fun because now you live together as man and wife. So don’t let some guy with a promise of a ring turn you into a spinster. Refuse to let someone who doesn’t know or possibly care that he is wasting your youth and looks by stringing you along with the promise of marriage. If he was going to marry you, it really should have been done before you knew everything about him, his family, his distant relatives, his classmates and everything in between.

Money cannot be an issue, because once you are married you can combine incomes and work together to save your nest egg. It cracks me up when a man tells me that first he wants to own a home before he gets married.

So now, if you have committed giving six months to a year to determine this fact then you also need a second goal in order to shore up the first one. This goal will be to determine how long you are willing to wait to become engaged. If it takes approximately six months for you to know if he is actually a very good man and you two feel the same for one another, then a reasonable goal of an additional six months to become engaged should be in order. This then becomes your intermediate goal.

For the long term goal which is the most important, the amount of time you will be willing to remain engaged should be the ultimate objective. Oh, a reasonable amount of time between engagement to marriage is one year.  A year allows you to plan your marriage without rushing and have enough time to iron out any wrinkles in the process. 

People get married and then divorce. I also know that from the female standpoint it would be much better to tell your next man that you were married and it didn’t work, as compared to well, we lived together for nine years and then one day he told me he was in love with someone else. The first statement the new man thinks, “Damn he must have been an idiot to let a beautiful woman like you get away!” If it is the second statement, the same man will be thinking, “Damn, you must be an idiot to stay with a guy that long without a ring.” 

By now many of you are thinking, should I let him know about my goals for the future? The answer is yes.  Marriage only scares men that have as their only goal to get you into bed.  Any real man will listen to you and your goals, think about them for awhile and decide if they are acceptable and realistic for him and his future as well. 

However, before you decide to set a relationship goal for yourself, take a look at your current relationship. How long have you been together? Where is it headed? Will he ever marry you or are you content with being his live in lover forever or until he decides to move on? Look at your friends relationships as well and ask yourself where they are going in it.

Many ladies have been in long term relationships only to break-up and your ex married his next girlfriend within a year. This happens a lot, women break a man in and the next woman benefits from all of your hard work and suffering. By suffering, I mean the heartbreak associated with breaking up after many years of being together. 

Oh, and one final lifetime goal: To remain married until death do us part!

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