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Ways to get over an ex-lover

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Nothing lasts forever in this world, and sometimes as much as we would like to think that the one person we are with is the soul-mate, final love and the person that completes your existence, sometimes it ends up not being the case. Getting over an ex is rarely a quick and easy process and it is often complicated by all the things that the two of you still have in common, like friends, favourite hangouts and even living quarters. Break ups are easier to handle when you initiated it, or if it was mutual.

So you got dumped. Whether it was sudden or you saw it coming it is still something that hit you hard and if you are a guy it definitely gives your ego a nice sucker punch. The world at that time might seem like it is ending, but not to worry you’ll completely get over this person. These are some ways to get over a breakup.

Deal with the pain and hate

It is normal after every break up to have a huge amount of pain, and possibly hate towards the other person. Do you want to cry? By all means do so. Scream and shout? Do that too. You can write out your thoughts bashing the ex, and think all kinds of negative things towards him or her. Listen to sad love songs and cry. It’s all a phase. But the most important thing is not to let anyone see it. No bashing or pity Facebook statuses, no sub tweets. Do all your crying and hate behind closed doors. No one wants to see you look pathetic, and those that do just want to be entertained.

Keep your space


There is nothing worse than hanging around your ex hoping that somehow feelings will come back or that one night of magic will rekindle everything. If you have mutual friends, try as much as possible to stay away from them, especially if you are bound to either talk about him/her, or even worse see him/her. Deleting folks off Facebook is kind of childish but you can certainly use that limited profile function and block the news feed. The best way is to replace your ex with other people whom you care about and may assume the role of primary attachment figure. In other words, train yourself not to rely on your ex by spending more time with other supportive people in your life instead. Visit your family, have lunch with an old friend. Remind yourself that your ex is not the only person in your life who you can feel close to, and you’ll find yourself needing him/her less. No texts, IMs, tweets, etc. Call it a detox if you will. This is where most of us fail… No sex with the ex.

Talk to friends & hangout

Now when we say talk to friends, we don’t mean call every friend you know and start crying about your ex. It is very pathetic looking to have to deal with someone whining about their ex and why they left. Save it for the shrink or for your journal. But besides that hanging out with friends is very healthy. 

Write down your feelings 

Your best friend is your journal during a break up. If you think it, or want to say it out loud, then get a pen and write it down. A lot of times during a break up you want to say a lot of things to the ex, and explain some things, but believe me saying anything to an ex that dumped you in hopes of amending things is the wrong way to go. In addition, writing down stuff also gives you the opportunity to analyze the relationship and sometimes the light bulbs go off and you might realize that it was going south for a while before the break up happened. Besides it is good documentation so you can see how silly you sounded years later.

Stay active

They say one of the best diets is a break up, partly because you never eat and you are depressed. Always wanted to do some sort of outdoor activity? Every moment you stay idle is time for you to dwell on the break up or even worse make a mistake and call/text the ex. Thou shall not do that. Plus in a scenario where you didn’t have much control (the break up) this provides something you can actually control and get some sense of power into your life. If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little “retail therapy” (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day. If you can’t sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don’t sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.

Explore other options

If there are people that are interested in you or you are interested in, it doesn’t hurt to hang out and explore those options. Now obviously you’d definitely want to take things slow, but the company will help a lot. We all know the term ‘rebound relationship’ these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that has been created by the ending of a relationship. These transitional connections can aid healing in the short term, but if you don’t process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership. A feeling that there are other fishes in the river will definitely help you get over the ‘my life is over’ break up feeling. After all, they say the best way to get over an ex is to find a new one.

Read 1213 times Last modified on Sunday, 13 September 2015 07:43

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